9 months in, 9 months out.

Our little chubbathron5000 is 9 months old tomorrow. He is such a character. This photo below describes him to the tee, always always curious about new things, loves to play with whatever he’s not supposed to, and always up to mischief. When you tell him, “No Kayen”, to him it means, YES NOW! GO FOR IT!

img_3534.jpg

Just now, he had a full on – ‘pre-toddler tantrum’, with his head tilted all the way backwards, moaning and screaming at the top of his lungs, because he wanted to be off the high chair. Kris and myself were struggling not to laugh and maintain a stern face, because he was SO DRAMATIC, it was hilarious.

Curious, Determined and Dramatic is the top three characteristics of this child, at this point of his life.

He’s often a ball of fun, when he’s in a good mood. He loves to give his two teeth grin, which literally melts my heart.

img_3555.jpg

He still is, a reluctant crawler and would just scoot forwards with his butt. He side walks with aids, like a little crab and it very cute to watch. He loves to mumur ‘DADADADA’ and reluctantly yells ‘MAHHHHHHMAHHHHHHHH’ from time to time. But he clearly knows who Kayen, Mama and Dada is. Whenever Dada comes home from work, he would call out to him super loudly and try to get picked up. When Daddy doesn’t immediately do his bidding, he breaks into a really really upset cry. He needs to learn to get positive attention instead, something that we’re working towards.

We love him, more than words can ever describe adequately. He truly is the most exhausting project of our marriage, but also the most wonderful addition to our family.

IMG_2467

We love you so much little bug!

Current nicknames: Chubbathron5000, two teeth, chunks, chunky, happy potato, whiny potato, cutie patootie, cheeks, kapoh.

Advertisements

On learning to be a parent.

Yesterday, after a particularly challenging day with Kayen. I texted Kris and told him, you need to come home straight after work. He got the message and came home as soon as he could. He walked into the door and I stormed right out, because I was really going to lose it with the kid and I really really really did not want to yell at my baby boy. I went downstairs to do a pedicure, took a deep breath and tried to reflect on my parenting style.

I love K with all my heart, with such a fierceness unique to him that I have never ever ever felt before. I love my husband plenty, but with my son its so different. Its so fierce, so primal and at times so overwhelming. From his poo frequency to his organic purees to his developmental milestones, to tons and tons of researching on how I can make him a better sleeper. I read up about everything baby related, talk about it with my mom friends and try so hard to want to be the best mom for my little heart that’s beating out of my physical body.

I began to see that, that was the problem. I need to tone down my mama bear mode and learn to roll with the punches with my kid. I need to be less obsessive with tracking his sleep and just accept the fact that like any human, babies have good and bad days. My baby is unique and different, some babies have schedules but maybe mine doesn’t. I need to stop trying to fit him into a ‘good baby’ mould and accept and love him for who he is, from his big wide gaping open mouth smiles to the fact that he takes 20 min cat naps. I keep seconding guessing what I am doing as a mom, what I can be doing to make him a better sleeper, a baby who keeps to a schedule. I need to realize that its nobody’s fault, that I am doing the best that I can, he’s doing the best that he can and I need to treasure and appreciate this time more.

Even if I sleep a little less, take more naps with him and ‘waste the afternoon away’, its perfectly okay and alright. Even if I have to leave engagements earlier to put him to bed in the afternoon, its okay. Even if I decide to stay out late and have fun for a bit, its okay, I don’t have to feel guilty because he acts out, he’s a baby and if he’s not completely happy all the time, its okay. Even if the laundry is not done its okay. Even if I need to get help with cleaning the house sometimes, its okay. Instead of feeling inadequate, I need to utilize my support systems and stop thinking or feeling like I need to do it all. Instead of feeling like I’m so overwhelmed, I need to ask for help, accept help and appreciate the fact that I’m lucky enough to get help.

Learning all these is surprisingly difficult but so humbling at the same time. I’ve always held myself to high standards and wanted to give him everything I didn’t have as a child, but I’m not perfect and the sooner I accept that fact, will I be the best parent for my little boy.

 

IMG_0573

My little heart.